Vegan Love, Mormon Funerals
Potatoes can figure heavily in both
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I saw a Twitter thread where some of the responses didn’t sit right with me. (Can you imagine??) Within it is a lot of shock and surprise that there’s a casserole known as “funeral potatoes.” It is associated with Midwestern Lutheran culture and, even more so, Mormon culture. It’s made with potatoes, cream of chicken soup, and cheese, and topped with corn flakes. (Or you can use crushed potato chips as the topping, which is absolute anarchy and I love it.) The dish is given its name because it is so often brought to potlucks, and LDS potlucks are often, you know, funerals. (Though of course funeral potatoes are popular at any occasion.) Now, the problem many in this thread seemed to have was with the name itself, its casual use, and the marketing that one food company uses for its pre-packaged funeral potatoes, containing all manner of death-related puns. But among Mormons, there isn’t necessarily the preciousness around death that some other cultures in America have. After all, Mormons are going to a joyful place in the Great Beyond: their funerals aren’t all doom and gloom, because they believe the afterlife (no matter what level you’re assigned) is better than this world, and, you will see your family again. Jokes about death and potatoes? No sweat, it’s a celebration.
[NB: like the Rust Belt and the Bible Belt in other parts of the country, the West has the Jell-O Belt.]
Vegans, Love, and Taco Bell
In my teens and 20s, I thought vegans were jerks. I dated a lot of them. “People weren’t meant to drink milk,” a young man in a band called something like Physical Helicopter Application explained earnestly as I looked through his fridge of canola-based fake dairy. “Milk is for animals and their babies.” I nodded and swiped Tofutti spread on a sad strawberry bagel, betraying my ancestors and my heart. Later that night, he would head over to his ex-girlfriend’s house despite my objections, not returning until the next morning; his tenderness towards living beings didn’t extend to girlfriends. When he dumped me I called a friend to meet up at a Mexican restaurant. Carne asada tacos were always delicious, but that night they were flavored with a piquant salsa of fuck that guy.
Physical Helicopter Application and I didn’t agree about the definition of monogamy, but we actually saw eye to eye on Taco Bell. He made a big deal of not eating fast food but would sometimes cheat when he really wanted McDonald’s fries (a pattern? You don’t say). And vegans love Taco Bell. Some might pretend to hate fast food. They are lying, because no one actually does: to paraphrase the inimitable Samantha Irby, McDonald’s isn’t selling a billion burgers because it tastes bad, and Taco Bell isn’t selling a million tostadas sin queso because vegans don’t enjoy “south of the border” flavors and pleasing textural variation. Taco Bell’s plentiful, affordable meat- and dairy-free options have made it a long-time vegan jackpot - and the chain knows it.
I might have been done with vegans after that guy, but veganism and I continued to have an uneasy on and off. Although I was leery of its most passionate acolytes, the actual diet wasn’t wildly far off from how’d I’d always eaten. I’d never gone hard on meat or dairy, and preferred a vegetable-heavy plate. I liked beans and tofu, and never thought eating a ton of meat was a great idea.
Over the years, I read more and more about exactly how not great an idea it was. My tipping point into changing my dietary choices came not with a relationship but a news article - and 510 calories from the specialty side of Taco Bell’s menu.
The Black Bean Crunchwrap. My favorite, now vegetarian with black beans in place of meat (“meat”). It was a pleasing swap, maintaining the structural integrity and holistic deliciousness of the Crunchwrap, at less cost to the environment. With a little effort, it could even be vegan.
Eating fast food is not the best way to slow climate change. But at some point, you will probably eat fast food. If I’ve learned anything from dating jerks who happen to be vegans, it’s that you don’t win hearts and minds with shame. You do it with facts, patience, and understanding. And your Taco Bell order. 🌯
More Food Reading:
A white farmer, after learning that her family owned slaves on the land she will inherit, is exploring what she can do to make reparations.
Using the “jollof index” to track food prices during COVID.
An interview with the farmworker and artist Narsiso Martinez. He does a lot of his work on produce boxes, which I think is an interesting call back to the artistry displayed on the fruit crate labels created in the early 20th century. There’s a story about asparagus there that will really piss you off.
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This newsletter is edited by Katherine Spiers, host of the podcast Smart Mouth.
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